The Goth Challenge! Day 1 - Becoming goth

Saturday I was thinking about some article, and I thought, that I could share my path to goth subcultre.
And this morning I saw by Juliet's Lace The goth challenge. And the first on the list is:
"How did you come across the subculture?"
(Coincidence? :D)
That sounds interesting, so...why not join?

It´s been now about 3 years that I really consider myself as a goth.
But when I first heard (better said read) the word gothic, I was about 12 or 13.

Non-goth years
I was a strange kid from my early years...I didn´t have friends and was always playing alone in the corner. And I never liked those group activities.
I was a loner (and I still am).
Not long ago I found some of my old dolls.
I dyied my "Barbie" (a fake one) the hair black (with water-colours :D :D ). And on my big baby doll I drew many  funny "tattooes" like a cross, snake and so. I even painted her nails, lids and lips black (with marker pen)...Funny isn´t it? :D
I even have some interesting peple in my family: my brother is a hardcore, punk and metal fan, my boy-cousin is skinhead, my girl-cousin is metalhead and some of my other cousins like darker music too...I even heard that my father was always wearing black.
And still I never said that I was "born goth", or that I have the "correct genes" to become goth.
I believe, that we are born as tabula rasa, maybe with some predispositions in temperament and character, but we are, what we grow up to be.

The dark beginning
I was 13. I read some of the few blogs we had at that time.
Misunderstood, loner, interest in magic, darkness and bloody pictures, metal, black clothing...
That was mostly the characteristic of a "goth" on various blogs.
I was a depressed teenaager (I gone through a real depression, so I still can´t understand some of those dark kids who always said that depression for them is something like a bliss, that most of the "art" they made in depression...because...I was so happy when I made it on the surface from that deep dark abyss, and was so scared...I never want to go back...), without friends. I loved dark-art and morbid-art, and I always liked black (but my mother never wanted to buy me black clothing). My brother opened me the door to metal music and supernatural themes sounded always interesting to me.
That´s why I thougt: "thats finally something for me!"
Of course I didn´t believe everything, even when I was quite naive...I never believed that  depression and especially self-harming are part of being a goth.
For me, it was the dark, the black and the metal, in those days.

Becoming a Baby-bat
But, there were some people who said, that it wasn´t really true. They said something about some "Sisters" and some "House".
I was a very curious kid, so I tried to look what´s true on their words.
This time I tried it at german and english sites, like goth.net, gothic.net, gothicinfo.de or even wikipedia. I even contacted some older goths (through myspace or vampirefreaks).
And really...
When I first heard the "goth hymn" Bela Lugosi´s Dead...I din´t like it. I was used to metal music, and that was just something absolutely different.
But when I catched myself singing "Undead undead undead..." over and over again, I took another try. And this time I saw the music in other light.
So I started looking for similar bands (and I discovered that some "sisters" are Sisters od Mercy, and it´s not a family band created by sisters :D I liked female voices more that time, so I was a little bit disappointed :D ).
I also learned, that most of the goth myths are simply an individual choice, and some of them are totally a lie.

I started to wear black clothing when I was around 16 (and my mother finally gave up - she couldn´t forbid ME wearing what I like, when my brother had a mohawk and piercings, right? :D...and she was still thinking, that i grow up someday :D )
I was still searching, becoming more and more in love with goth music and all that the subculture had to give.
I slowly started experimentig with my outfits a little (the older I get the more dare :D
in age of 17, I din´t dare to wear ripped stocking in public...But now I don´t give a damn what people, or my friends and family, are thinking.)
When I was 17 I started my blog (in slovak), trying to share my acquired knowledge to help other finding the "right path".
But bloginng helped me a lot too. I found friends with the same interests and opinions.
I came in contact with other goths, and I really helped some of my readers with discovering a great music and great subculture (what gives me a great feeling).
I´m so eeeeeviiiiil :D loooool :D :D

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed reading about your journey into Gothdom! And you have lots of great outfits on your blog! LOVE IT!